everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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