Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My first STD was from a foam party
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
