I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
