Banned from zoo.
Again?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
