Apparently you make a good broom.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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