i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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