i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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