i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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