I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
