Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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