I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
