Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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