When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
