Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Someone stole a lamp last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
