No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
