Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
