CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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