Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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