the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize