Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
