You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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