When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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