Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
