I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
