apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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