Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
