I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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