apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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