Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
