I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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