So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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