I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
