and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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