a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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