The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
