4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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