i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
