hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
