That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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