i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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