Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize