how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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