some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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