I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I sprained my soul last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
