my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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