There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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