I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
