Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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