Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
