They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
