It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
