she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
