The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
