Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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