New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
