where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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