I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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